Comedy Corner : New Year

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New Year New Jokes

1. Every year on New Year’s Eve, when everyone’s counting down the final ten seconds to ring in the new year, I get up off the couch and stand up. I stand up and raise my left leg and just leave it raised for a little while until the countdown finishes and midnight strikes, so that I always start the new year off on the right foot.

2. New Year? I just got used to this last one!

3. My wife still hasn’t told me what my New Year’s resolutions are.

4. “I promise not to make any bad jokes for the rest of the year.” — A dad on New Year’s Eve

5.  My New Year’s resolution is 1080p.

6. May all your troubles last as long as your New Year resolutions.

7. This New Year’s I resolve to be less awesome since that is really the only thing I do in excess.

8. My New Year’s resolution is to break my New Year’s resolutions. That way I succeed at something!

9. New Year’s is just a holiday created by calendar companies who don’t want you reusing last year’s calendar.

10.  I was going to quit all my bad habits for the new year, but then I remembered that nobody likes a quitter.

11. My resolution was to read more so I put the subtitles on my TV.

12. An optimist stays up until midnight to see the new year in. A pessimist stays up to make sure the old year leaves.

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Comedy Corner : New Year